Middle age ain't for sissys

I am a 43 year old, white heterosexual male, Or as I and others in my category think of our selves, the Butt of God's Bad Jokes.

First being forty three years of age is in many ways a fate worse then death. Too old to be considered COOl by anyone under the age of 38 and not old enough to be "Distinguished". We are told that we are not getting old by the people who love us, we are merely middle aged. I don't really know that many 86 year old men but I keep hoping.

Hunting for a job is a treat. You go into a small room to interview with a 20 year old snot that doesn't quite have all his acne cleared up. The only thing newer in the room then the kid is the kid's shiny Human Resources badge. He introduces himself and the last name sounds familiar, Hmmmm......................."Is your mother's name Cathy and your dad's name is Brian right? Yeah, I went to school with them. Hell, I used to date your mother! Oh, the positions been filled?"

Your body that you knew so well as a young man now begins to turn on you.
Your hair slowly disappears like a bar of soap in a shower, which is a pretty good example because the shower is usually the last place you saw the strands of your youth as they clog up your drain.
Sex? It takes many years of bumbling around in the dark to finally perfect your "game" with your wife. Slower, faster, not there, not tonight, it's not your birthday, where the hell did you learn that?, After all the compromises and helpful instructions you are the master of the bed chamber. Then you turn 40 and the only thing that completely hardens is your arteries. But not to worry. Through the miracle of modern science we have magic pills. Blue ones, Brown ones, and white ones. With these little friends you are invincible!! Well, except for the blurred vision, cramps, headache, and water retention. That's right, they turn you into a WOMAN with PMS.

God also has a sick sense of humor. He makes me need to goto the rest room twice a night and then makes my night vision bad enough that I stub my toe on every piece of furniture between the bedroom and the bathroom. The only thing that could make it better is Brittle Bone disease.
For many years I have stood tall and proud aiming with a dead eye at the toilet. Today I sit and take it easy because my bladder now empties at a rate so slow that the US Mail Service would be proud of me.

But I look forward to a brighter future. Soon I will have one of those handicapped parking passes, be able to order off the cheap section of the menu, be able to freak out kids by taking my teeth out, and generally act like an ass hole in public and have people excuse it because they think I'm senile.

I wonder how Cealis works with prune juice?

Gas Price History

Does anyone in the world remember when the cost of gasoline was controlled in the United States?
Well if you owned a gas station in the 60's and 70's you would.

Time warp 1973

The handy corner Service Station is allowed by law to make a maximum of 5 cents per gallon. The price of gas Does Not change 15 times a week but only goes up when the station receives it's next load of gas. Now for that nickel a gallon you get your oil checked, windshield washed, tire pressure checked, fan belts & hoses checked, and a free map if you ask for it. You can get a tire fixed, the oil changed and a new set of snow tires at the station.

Gasoline cost about 3 times what was charged for kerosene.

TODAY

The Sevice Station is gone. It has been replaced by an over priced mini mart with a set of gas pumps out front.
For the price of the hour you get the enviable opportunity to pump your own gas in whatever weather God decides you deserve for your automotive sins. But the "Station" with a heart does give you a nice big roof to do it under! Yes, that $400 suit or the $500 gown that you are wearing to the big wedding makes a much better impression when it smells like Exxon unleaded. Get a flat fixed? Buy an ice scraper? Hell No! What are you crazy? You can buy Kotex Tampons which I guess could be considered a form of leak stoppage, but they are hardly interchangeable. Tires? The only thing they sell made of rubber is the 23 different types of condom they have on display beside the rack of rolling papers. They're being sold to all those poor teenagers that need to roll their own cigarettes because they can't afford Marlboro.
In order to keep track of the price of gas at the pump you need a ticker tape display above the register to know when to buy or sell. I once made a $25.00 profit on a tank of High Test that I sold to a guy with an Explorer just by under cutting the price on the pump by 2 cents. I had just filled up and bought a Coke 10 minutes before that. The guy wouldn't buy the Coke.
Kerosene is now 30% higher then gasoline without any of the road taxes that the oil company claims makes diesel fuel so high.
All of this Joy can be traced back to our wonderful past republican presidents. They are the one's that de-regulated the oil companys. So now every station can reach into your pocket as deep as they please.
Remember when we were told that all the oil company "Wind fall profits" would be used to find oil replacements and make new jobs. So how well does YOUR hydrogen powered car run?

Oh and by the way, that map that used to be free is now $5.